Self-Reflection
Writing a blog entry dealing with philosophy, or logic, is usually pretty straightforward. It is just a matter of formulating my thoughts, putting them down on “paper”, reviewing the entry for internal consistency, readability, and most important coherency. This is not to say my blogs are in any way perfect, far from it…they contain grammatical errors, spelling errors, and perhaps on occasion even a logical error, but those errors are often pointed out to me by readers and I correct them as they are noted to me. Simple. Rational. Mostly just a lot of p’s, q’s and squiggles.
However, in regards to writings in the emotional department, I don’t nearly fare as well. One thing that I am especially painfully aware of, is that effectively expressing myself to others is one of the hardest things for me to do when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I’m clumsy. I’m inarticulate. I often misspeak…or use words which can be misconstrued, or worse, taken completely out of context from the intent of what I was trying to express. It is much more difficult for me to organize my thoughts, when those thoughts are constantly being evaluated, and re-evaluated, for potential land mines just waiting to be stepped on by a careless word or ambiguous phrase. All of which is highly exacerbated by being in the public eye. Constantly scrutinized by both friend and foe…and just like my blogs, I’m very self-aware that I am far from perfect.
Fun fact: Not everyone out there on the internet has your best interest in heart. Shocker right? It is something anyone who has ever been on social media recognizes. I would like to believe that most of us still try to look for the best in people…but the hard facts are that with each person we allow in our circles, we give away another piece of our trust. A little more of our emotional reservoir gets drained away; A little more of our faith in humanity eroded. We become guarded, less and less to confide in people, and far less likely to bare our souls to each other. We become shut down, closed off, with our emotional walls up.
Maybe that is just a normal part of growing older. Maybe it’s true what they say about becoming wiser in your old age, or maybe it is why older people tend to be more cynical. More discerning. More curmudgeonly. Older people are more likely to say “Hey, you kids get of my lawn!”, rather than remembering what it was like to be a kid…and how we ourselves so enjoyed carelessly playing outside. Perhaps there is something to be said about playing one last game of marbles against player 001 while the red suits watch…all or nothing. Winner takes all, but at what price? Our humanity? Is it worth the win, when the winning depends upon our ability to deceive each other, just to get that last marble from someone we once considered a friend? It raises the question, who is the real winner there? I personally never want to be that kind of person…and I truly hope I never am.
