Advice for members of the GDC (Parody)

Written by: Barney Tearspell

– If someone disagrees with you they are at best stupid, but more likely dishonest and lying. Go with that and make sure that everyone knows that.

– The only way to gain respect is to be the field expert in all of the sciences, a theologian of all denominations, philosopher extraordinaire. Insist that you are.

– Never admit that you’re wrong. Because you’re not. You may misspeak, but it is everybody else that is wrong.

– Googling for sources is a sign of weakness that demonstrates ignorance. In fact relying on any sources is such weakness since a good member of this community knows his stuff by heart.

– Insist that you don’t have the burdens of proof or justification. Everyone else is here to submit their claims to you for scrutiny. Your only role is to confirm or dismiss their claims.

– Your time and efforts are precious. You show how graceful and efficient you are by running through all recent threads and pointing out who is wrong. A simple “You’re wrong” will do, you’re not here to babysit them.

– Every time you notice that there is a large opposition to a claim you’ve made (especially by alleged experts in the field) it is because +Steve McRae has organised them since he fears that you’re becoming too significant in his community.

– If you join hangouts, there is no need to read what the topic in the title is or what the current topic of conversation is. Everyone in there were just biding time until you arrived to set the real topic. Either that or never join hangouts (because nobody in a hangout knows how to debate).

– If you are in a hangout with 9 other people you’re entitled to equal time. 50% for you and 50% for everyone else (including the host).

– You are the ultimate measure of reality. As Descartes said “You think therefore it is so”.

– If you get bogged down in a thread and cannot seem to get the idiots to understand what you’re saying, Immediately start a fresh thread on the same topic. Repeat this whenever someone challenges your position.

– If you’re presented with any convincing evidence, claim conspiracy or supernatural cause. If an argument cannot be falsified it is surely true.

– Assume that people don’t know what they’re saying. You’re the one who knows what they’re saying because you’re the one who knows how they think. No one here has any history before you arrived and everyone is just a cardboard cutout of the monolith they stand for.

– Always attempt to misinterpret what people are saying. If they really care, it is up to them to formulate it in such a way that it cannot be misinterpreted. If someone attempts this, demonstrate your dominance by misinterpreting them anyway.

– Immediately issue an open debate challenge (or direct it to as many people as possible). Then call out anyone who doesn’t respond that they’re cowards and afraid of you. (You don’t actually need to debate people who do respond). Your reputation in the community is measured by how many people didn’t respond to your challenges.

– When you go into a debate, there is no need to prepare or know anything about the person you’re debating or even the topic. You can always count on people defeating themselves with sheer stupidity and incompetence. (They’ll just be lying anyway, so even if they start to seem competent you can just point that out and they’ll crumble).

And finally:

– Remember that this community is here to entertain you. Trolling is fun and so is making fun of other people and their beliefs. Indulge yourself.

Oh, and I forgot:

– The “no politics” rule applies to everything except the things that make you angry.

-Barney Tearspell

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